Posts in Self Care
Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
 
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We’d love you to join us and add your voice to thousands of people who are saying #itsnotok at the start of sexual violence awareness week.

Women have constantly had to endure unwanted attention from men while being ignored when we speak out against it. Its not uncommon to talk to your friends and hear about the different tactics used to avoid being harassed like walking with your keys between your fingers or being on the phone with someone as you walk out in public. Its uncomfortable to think that one of the main places we spend most of our time doesn’t always feel like a safe space. At work its not practical to be on the phone with a friend or have your guard up the whole time. You expect respect from your colleagues and treat them the same because the environment is completely different than being out in public. This should be a safe space, but then why does it feel there are times it is not?

We spend so much of our time at work that its normal to make friends and get close to people, but a lot of problems begin when boundaries are crossed. Assisting a coworker or providing your number to work on a project for example, does not grant them special access into your life or near your body. The same way coming into work, doing your job while never communicating with that person, also does not equal an invitation. Some men have taken the notion that existing as a woman also means an open invitation to flirtation or touching. The responsibility to correct this behavior does not lie with the victim. This is someone who feels entitled and their predatory behavior is something they must acknowledge and correct.

It makes sense that the fault doesn’t lie with the person being harassed, but then why are there feelings shame or guilt felt if it’s happened? We may feel we could have done something to prevent the situation or maybe we did something to provoke it. Its also common to feel powerless over what took place and unable to take back control. Your feelings are normal and valid, but remember you are not to blame for what happened. Allow yourself to accept what took place to move on with your life. Do not give in to gaslighting or pressures to keep quiet. Too many times other women have been in the exact situation and to avoid more attention kept their stories to themselves. Notify your place of work so that this situation can be addressed. Notify people close to you if you feel nothing is being done. Our voices were heard many times before, asking for our right to feel safe in a place that should already protect us from harm so allow yourself to be vulnerable to regain your peace.

Its ok to be scared about what comes next. Its also ok if you feel the need to move on from that job or just reevaluate what you want from life because even though we know it wasn’t our fault, we want a fresh start. We also hear a lot about what a victim of harassment should do to heal from a situation like this, but one thing that helps a lot is friends, family, and support groups especially since harassment could affect feelings of self-esteem. We need to do right by the loved ones who have gone through these experiences and below I have addressed some point made by Sherry Gordons article “How to Heal from Workplace Sexual Harassment,” that can help you support them.

  1. Remember to give them space. As friends or family, you may want to do everything in your power to help your loved one who’s dealt with harassment by showering attention. Keep in mind they may prefer more space at this time and have set more boundaries. Respect their decision to not want an excess of attention while reminding them to keep in touch.

  2. Everyone heals in their own time. Be patient. Do not let your desire for them to heal to affect their actual healing process. It’s hard to come back from dealing with harassment. Trying to speed up their process could create feelings of guilt and you do not want to make them feel like their experience is a burden on you. The harassment could then be interpreted as affecting those around them and slow down their progress.

  3. Let them make their own choices. A power struggle happens when someone experience sexual abuse and it can conflict with a person’s autonomy afterword’s. They may decide that the career they were pursuing no longer interests them or decide to move. Realize that even though you may not agree with their choices this is what they need for themselves.

~Karla Morales

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New Year’s Resolution for Health & Fitness
 
 

As the year begins, you may be considering a New Year’s resolution. Maybe you made a resolution last year and stuck with it, or maybe you had totally forgotten about it by February. Maybe you don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions.

Regardless, it may help if you have a better idea of what exactly a New Year’s resolution is and what you’d like it be, too. A New Year’s resolution is a promise that you make to yourself or others to carry out an idea or action.

Health and fitness resolutions are some of the hardest to keep. However, these resolutions can be crucial to improving both your physical and mental health. Don’t make the mistake that many often do — make big, unattainable goals and end up disappointed. Start out with small and doable fitness goal, then build from there.

  1. Go for a walk after dinner. Tip: If you don’t have a dog who’s expecting a walk, bring a family member with you or just some headphones to pass the time. You can start with short distances at first.

  2. Get familiar with a new machine. Tip: Ease into a new machine at the gym. Be sure to start slow and don’t overexert yourself.

  3. Move every day. Tip: Some days you may move less than others, and that’s OK. Listen to your body, but try to loosen up to prevent stiffness and injury.

  4. Address problem areas before they get worse. Tip: Buy yourself a small ice pack that you can put on areas you’ve previously injured or that frequently get sore. Use it nightly or in the morning after you stretch.

  5. Drink an extra glass of water each day. Tip: Pick a time of day that makes sense for you, such as first thing in the morning. Consider swapping out a sugary or caffeinated beverage for water.

  6. Learn how to prepare a vegetable dish you love. Tip: Choose an easy recipe if you’re new to cooking. It doesn’t have to require the oven, either. You can easily create unique salsas or salads.

2021 has been a challenging year for all of us, but we can’t let that stop you from living our best life!

~ Jade Asuncion

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Cultivating Self Compassion
 
 

Let’s face it, we all struggle with negative self-talk. Some more than others, but we all hear that little voice in the back of our minds that either berates us, expresses deep disappointment or frustration with our actions, and flags down our every insecurity when we least expect it. We hold those so-called “truths” as fact and not for what they are: thoughts. Fleeting thoughts plague our minds now and again, but it’s essential to realize that the power remains within ourselves.

The key to combating this phenomenon is self-compassion and not giving said thoughts any more intensity or tenacity in our already stressful lives.

Upon the first actualization of what self-compassion is, we may ask ourselves, “Well, what is it?” or, “What does that even mean?” and this question is more common than I realized. Most have experienced compassion at least once in their lives, either from a parent, friend, teacher, or mentor. Those moments are a lot more precious than when we first acquaint ourselves with them. This saving grace is transformative, and practicing this method towards ourselves would amount to unprecedented changes within our lives.

Self-compassion factors in three components: self-kindness, mindfulness and common humanity -- all three of which we practice daily. The warm inner understanding, acceptance of imperfection, and balanced approach to our humanness that accompanies self-compassion is the focal point of it all. Taking a nurturing perspective, rather than critical, makes all the difference in our mental wellbeing and can improve our outlook on life and our actions.

It’s dually essential to understand what self-compassion is not, and how the initial realization is daunting and discouraging in this mindfulness journey. Dr. Kristen Neff describes this phenomenon as akin to ‘backdraft,’ “A similar process can occur when we open the door of our hearts – love goes in, and old pain comes out…. ‘When we give ourselves unconditional love, we discover the conditions under which we were unloved’ or ‘Love reveals everything unlike itself.” (Self Compassion, Neff).

While confidence and wishful thinking are ideal and the easy way out, it cheapens the true meaning of what self-compassion is. Holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes and flaws helps us elevate and rewire our thinking to bolster long-lasting pleasure in our lives.

~Eryka Warren

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How to Cope During COVID-19
 
 

We take a lot of pride in being productive, in getting things done, and checking off our to-do list. Subconsciously, some of us tie our self-worth to our productivity, especially now that we have more time on our hands. With the need to always be productive, the pressure tends to create strong expectations about what should be accomplished. And if those expectations aren't met, it feels like a big hit on our self-esteem.

With quarantine in effect for these past few months, it’s been hard to not feel worn out, tired, and bored. Many of us have tried to make the most of this global crisis by creating new fitness goals, or learning a new skill. But without the excitement and stimulus of the world, it’s much easier to feel burned out. It's difficult to accept the idea that “if you don’t seize the day, it’s okay”. but remember that this current situation is difficult to process and cope through.

Here are some tips to guide you through accepting the current situation:

  1. Remember to focus on the basics- the things that make you feel comfortable and secure. Do an activity that makes you feel grounded. Something you can return to when you feel lost. And allow yourself enough time to do it often. 

  2. Try to ignore any posts about productivity on social media right now. It is okay if you’re not as productive as usual. Instead, consider using this time to slow down and reflect. Learn to love and appreciate your own company. Focus on the present moment. Remind yourself that you are healthy. You are safe. Everything is okay. 

  3. Finally, know how to balance these two things. Remember, it’s okay to want to get something done, to finish a project, but you don’t need to have the pressure or stress to do that every day. The expectation of using every second to its fullest can be damaging to your mental health. 

  4. One last thing to consider is your negative feelings. It’s okay to not feel 100% yourself right now. You are grieving. You are grieving the world you knew before and now have lost. This is a change no one wanted, but now have to accept. We miss our normal routines, our social interactions, or the plans we made that now have to be cancelled. It’s okay to not be productive and check every item on your to-do list, because right now, your life has come at a standstill. It’s okay to feel lost, because no one is really feeling put together. 

  5. We often forget that we are living through a pandemic, as it is such a foreign concept to understand and process. But be forgiving to yourself during these different times, and remember that you are doing the best you can.

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THE POSSIBILITIES OF BEING SINGLE AND SATISFIED
THE POSSIBILITIES OF BEING SINGLE AND SATISFIED
“Who we are is who we attract.”

Living a single life and fulfilling unconditional happiness without a partner can be a challenge. However, with every challenge, there are possible solutions that increase opportunities for one to live a happy and well-being life. To acquire what the heart truly desires, one must go to the first reference of the source available…within SELF and obtain SELF. Self-awareness, self-understanding, self-forgiveness, self-boundaries and self-comfort and discomfort, to say the least. Self-satisfaction provides one the ability to satisfy self in order to satisfy others. If one cannot satisfy self alone, how can one wholeheartedly satisfy someone else or receive satisfaction together? To please thy self on all aspects (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually), time is needed. Take time to live with thine own self long enough to know who that person really is from the inside out. Time increases self-toleration. With that, comes an understanding of who you are, what you stand for, and what/who you deserve in life. Emotional attachment to self increases self-satisfaction. When the self is satisfied, the established self-unconditional love creates a new lens to observe and view the true “self” of others.      

If we do not know ourselves well enough to embrace ourselves for who we are, imagine the challenge of embracing someone else or allowing someone to embrace us?  Extremely interesting thought… Lack of self-unconditional love creates a vicious cycle that is repeated with no lessons learned and places a strain on one’s ability to live a single life while being satisfied. Once you find YOU, you find your happy place. When in your happy place you gain self-satisfaction while being single, which then opens the door for the individual that is for you to enter without you seeking beyond…self.

~ DeAnna L. Alexander

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Treat Your Inner Critic as Your Friend
Treat Your Inner Critic as Your Friend

Having a perfectionist personality comes with its own share of problems. The main one being that inner critic that does not see the hard work but rather the imperfections. It points out minuscule opinions that can negatively impact mental health. Taking steps that will make the inner critic a friend rather than an annoyance can change the pattern of growth. The voice of the inner critic relies on insecurities to bring you down rather than build you up. In many ways our inner critic is also what ignites the fire to pursue ambitions so by making a path where the inner critic does not stand in the way of making progress, there is a greater scope of creating boundaries that can impact mental health in a positive way. One of the ways you can rewire your inner critic is to think of it as a playlist where there are many options to change the song or the artist. Giving the inner critic a set of characteristics that clearly define the boundaries between a critic that is unhelpful and does not promote self-growth and a critic that improves qualities that can let you grow in a positive manner. Self-criticism can also be managed by increasing a way for more self-compassion. Often times we neglect giving ourselves the same care that we give to others. This hurts our emotional self and can set us back in the pattern of growth that is necessary to be successful. The characteristic of self-compassion can give us the start we need to get up after a failure and make our way back on the path. Finding the balance between positive and negative self-criticism is a delicate one but once it is figured out, there is more scope for being the best version that allows for the most success.

~Angela Jetty

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Healing
Healing

True healing comes from within. Although medication can be helpful, it is only a partial fix. Life changes are important, as well. Seth Gillihan of Psychology Today, writes that medication can support the body’s natural healing processes, but works best when prescribed only if necessary and only as long as necessary.

Meaningful connections are important to healing too. Seth concludes that meaningful connections include, recognizing the importance of family and community, connecting to the natural world we are a part of, and acknowledging that we are “governed by meaning”. Keeping the well-being of those we care about in mind, also creates purpose and meaning. Yet, despite all the ways that we have available to connect with others we can still feel disconnected.

It is important to take a break from our busy lives in order to have time to heal. Many people feel the need to be constantly productive instead of making time for themselves. There are different ways we can make room to pause such as blocking off non-work hours, participating in religious practices, focusing on personal relationships, reading meaningful texts, exercise and practicing yoga, etc.

Technology can also contribute to a loss of connection with our surroundings resulting in emotional and mental disassociation. Limiting screen time endeavors us pay attention to ourselves, the world we live in and the people we care about the most.  Leaving your phone at home or in your bag when running errands can aid positive change. Engaging in outdoor activity, such as taking a walk can keep you in touch with the natural world.

Nutrition also affects psychological health. Nourishing your body can help reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms. Changing your diet is one way we can nourish our brain and body. A balanced diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, fish, healthy fats, etc. can be great for most people. Figuring out a diet that works can make a difference in your mind, brain and body.

 ~Thavary Mam

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Mental Health & Wellness
Mental Health & Wellness

Mental health affects our overall wellness and it’s important that we take care of ourselves in all aspects. Often times mental health is neglected because it’s a topic that’s not openly talked about. There are different things we can incorporate into our lifestyle to help our overall well being.

One way that can help mental health is animal companionship. Having a pet or support animal has several benefits. In Psychology Today, Adi Jaffe stated mental illness can leave people socially isolated. Having a pet can help that feeling of isolation by giving affection and companionship without judgment. In addition, a pet dog can encourage being active, exercising, and getting outdoors. Animal companionship can help those struggling with mental health for those that don’t have family and friends available. Lastly, taking care of pets can give one a routine and structure to their days.

Another way to help mental health is having a balance between work and life. Working long hours and not being able to see your family and friends can contribute to stress and mental health issues. Improving work-life balance can be done by not thinking of work when you’re not working. For example, turning off electronic notifications like your work phone or work emails if you can. It’s important to make time for yourself when you’re off the clock. Having a good balance with your work will help your overall wellness. Taking care of yourself physically and making time for the things you enjoy will improve that balance.

Lastly, recreation can positively affect our mental health. Recreation isn’t just limited to physical activity like the gym. It can include hobbies and interests such as social recreation, creative activities, or physical activity. Adi Jaffe includes examples of recreation including bowling, playing chess, writing, music, painting, swimming, and running. All of these enhance social, psychological, and physical well-being. Overall, there are many benefits to recreational activities. It can increase self-esteem, mindfulness, social skills, a sense of belonging, a sense of accomplishment, etc.  

~Thavary Mam

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Finding Joy in Everyday Routines
Finding Joy in Everyday Routines

Between schedules and keeping up social appearances, it is hard to take a step back and enjoy the wondrous beauty of our surroundings. In a world where there is pressure to be accountable for each hour, a feeling of guilt takes over when we take some time out of our routines to seek joy in the small things. However, keeping in touch with the little things that can bring moments of joy into our routine can not only bring an increase in productivity as well as improving our mood. Joy is a contagious feeling which can change each person when even a small part is introduced. So much of our life revolves around moments of stress that it is hard to see moments of joy that are right there in front of us. Many people fail to understand the importance of including these moments until they are hit with a devastating experience, after which they try to include the steps to experience joy.  If we take the initiative to involve finding joy in ordinary things, there will be fewer regrets, and there will be an increase in living in the present instead of worrying about the future. Just by trying to intentionally find joy can create a natural transition into finding moments of joy unconsciously, which leads to a happier life.  

~Angela Jetty

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Unplugging and Destressing
Unplugging and Destressing
““We need time to defuse, to contemplate. Just as in sleep our brains relax and give us dreams, so at some time in the day we need to disconnect, reconnect, and look around us.” -Laurie Colwin”

Technology has several benefits in the world today. It’s all around us to help us do simple to difficult tasks, but it’s becoming clear that many people are becoming too “plugged in” at times. We are often consumed by scrolling on social media or using our phones to fuel addictions like online shopping or binge watching that one show everyone is talking about. But why? Here are several reasons why unplugging can help you become a better you:

Unplugging can decrease stress: Phones and computers constantly keep us in the loop between text messages, calls, and emails. But sometimes, reading a certain text or email can ruin a perfect day. Being constantly connected can suddenly move you from relaxation mode to work mode, and this unpredictability causes stress, insecurity, and a constant state of unnecessary reactivity.

Logging off of social media decreases the feeling of jealousy and even loneliness: In a 2013 case study at Humboldt University, researchers found that one and three people felt worse about themselves after visiting Facebook. Logging out decreases the feelings of envy from not being on a tropical beach or even from achieving something you want.

Life is happening right in front of you! So instead of looking at all the things you could be doing or want to do, sit back and smell the roses. Every day you don’t you let go by, that’s one less day can take advantage of your full potential!

~Alicia Meredith

Self CareMonica ManuelTherapy, therapist near me, cognitive behavioral therapy
Finding Time for Religion & Spirituality
Finding Time for Religion & Spirituality

According to a Pew Research Center study, for those that are religious or spiritual, involving connection with a higher power in your daily life can be beneficial for your health and relationships. Nowadays there can be many things that prevent someone from practicing their faith in meaningful ways. A busy lifestyle might prevent someone from making time due to work, school, or social responsibilities. Lastly, many may think that religion or spirituality is a passive action, but the most important part of belief is that it is practiced and not just blindly done. With that in mind, here are some simple ways you can involve your faith more in your everyday life:

  1. Don’t stress if you miss a day- If you find a time and place of worship that works for you, going every week might make you feel more connected with your faith. However, don’t treat it like a mandatory event that brings you guilt even if you skip a single week. If you can’t make a service that week, take a few moments every day to for reflections. Whether it is reading over a passage that connects with you or moments of silence, take time to focus on your beliefs.

  2. Donate- If you can’t give up a lot of your time, donate your money instead. Find a worthwhile cause supported by a local community organization, church, synagogue, or temple. Whether it’s a one-time donation or a monthly contribution, giving back to your community is one the primary tenants of all faiths and by donating you can help others do important work.

  3. Make a scared space at home- Finding somewhere in your home where you can take a few moments to isolate yourself and pray or meditate, will make it much easier to work around your own schedule. A few candles, your prayer book of choice, and a small mat are all you need.

  4. Taking a day of rest- Whether it’s reducing or completely taking a break from your workload one day a week, this day can be used for inner reflection and reconnecting to your beliefs. Prepare for this beforehand by making meals ahead of time and getting chores done in advance.

  5. Take care of your body- Imagine your body as your own place of worship and make sure it is working order. You can do this by taking a break from alcohol or drugs for a short time, or just making sure your body gets a proper exercise and diet. Think of your religion or spirituality as a holistic endeavor, you are not just nourishing your mind you are also nourishing your body. Your body and your life is a gift so treat it as such.

  6. Peer support- Finding others in your community that think as you do is incredibly important for your mental health so creating a peer support group of some kind can be helpful. Depending on the community you live in, the type of group you chose to gather will be different. Your group can comprise of more than just one religion, spirituality or belief system to can discuss and debate important issues. This can lead to a better understanding of both your faith and theirs. Or, if your opinions are a minority within your faith, finding others who think similarly can help make you feel more contented with your ideas. Regardless of the makeup of your group, it is important that you feel that you can comfortably discuss a range of topics with them. This step is helpful specifically if it is difficult to practice your beliefs within your community

Finding a safe space to practice your faith is key to enjoying and exploring it. Religion and spirituality should not be anything else besides your own personal connection to a higher power. These tips can be beneficial for those who have trouble finding the time to practice their faith.

Meditation, Mindfulness, Self CareMonica ManuelTherapy, therapist near me, cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health therapist