We’d love you to join us and add your voice to thousands of people who are saying #itsnotok at the start of sexual violence awareness week.

Women have constantly had to endure unwanted attention from men while being ignored when we speak out against it. Its not uncommon to talk to your friends and hear about the different tactics used to avoid being harassed like walking with your keys between your fingers or being on the phone with someone as you walk out in public. Its uncomfortable to think that one of the main places we spend most of our time doesn’t always feel like a safe space. At work its not practical to be on the phone with a friend or have your guard up the whole time. You expect respect from your colleagues and treat them the same because the environment is completely different than being out in public. This should be a safe space, but then why does it feel there are times it is not?

We spend so much of our time at work that its normal to make friends and get close to people, but a lot of problems begin when boundaries are crossed. Assisting a coworker or providing your number to work on a project for example, does not grant them special access into your life or near your body. The same way coming into work, doing your job while never communicating with that person, also does not equal an invitation. Some men have taken the notion that existing as a woman also means an open invitation to flirtation or touching. The responsibility to correct this behavior does not lie with the victim. This is someone who feels entitled and their predatory behavior is something they must acknowledge and correct.

It makes sense that the fault doesn’t lie with the person being harassed, but then why are there feelings shame or guilt felt if it’s happened? We may feel we could have done something to prevent the situation or maybe we did something to provoke it. Its also common to feel powerless over what took place and unable to take back control. Your feelings are normal and valid, but remember you are not to blame for what happened. Allow yourself to accept what took place to move on with your life. Do not give in to gaslighting or pressures to keep quiet. Too many times other women have been in the exact situation and to avoid more attention kept their stories to themselves. Notify your place of work so that this situation can be addressed. Notify people close to you if you feel nothing is being done. Our voices were heard many times before, asking for our right to feel safe in a place that should already protect us from harm so allow yourself to be vulnerable to regain your peace.

Its ok to be scared about what comes next. Its also ok if you feel the need to move on from that job or just reevaluate what you want from life because even though we know it wasn’t our fault, we want a fresh start. We also hear a lot about what a victim of harassment should do to heal from a situation like this, but one thing that helps a lot is friends, family, and support groups especially since harassment could affect feelings of self-esteem. We need to do right by the loved ones who have gone through these experiences and below I have addressed some point made by Sherry Gordons article “How to Heal from Workplace Sexual Harassment,” that can help you support them.

1. Remember to give them space. As friends or family, you may want to do everything in your power to help your loved one who’s dealt with harassment by showering attention. Keep in mind they may prefer more space at this time and have set more boundaries. Respect their decision to not want an excess of attention while reminding them to keep in touch.

2. Everyone heals in their own time. Be patient. Do not let your desire for them to heal to affect their actual healing process. It’s hard to come back from dealing with harassment. Trying to speed up their process could create feelings of guilt and you do not want to make them feel like their experience is a burden on you. The harassment could then be interpreted as affecting those around them and slow down their progress.

3. Let them make their own choices. A power struggle happens when someone experience sexual abuse and it can conflict with a person’s autonomy afterword’s. They may decide that the career they were pursuing no longer interests them or decide to move. Realize that even though you may not agree with their choices this is what they need for themselves.

~Karla Morales

Suicide is a topic filled with unresolved issues, unanswered questions, voided homes and hearts, and an overwhelming sense of guilt from our actions or lack thereof.

Personally, I have dealt with my fair share losing people in my life due to suicide, however it’s the aftershocks that are usually not dealt with and are often swept under the rug. Let’s note the word “swept”. It’s important to notice the privilege many of us have to set our emotions aside with ease, and we should recognize this when supporting people who no longer can or are on the brink of exhaustion.

Suicide is no longer the taboo topic it once was several years ago as prevention methods, awareness and de-stigmatization is spread rampantly across the globe in efforts to protect and lend a listening ear to those suffering in silence. Yet, it's still a silent killer and leading cause of death in youth and the top tenth cause of death across all ages in the United States.

The real question that should be asked is how do we aid in the prevention of suicide? What are the signs? How do I empathize and effectively prevent someone who is contemplating a suicide attempt? The answers are never simple, but with proper attention and care is the difference between life and death.

Warning Signs
There are no clear cut signs to know if someone is considering suicide, which allows for this fly under the radar for many individuals. In case of the lack of clear sign, surviving loved ones often mull over what they might have missed. Either way, a combination of factors may be instrumental to the ultimate decision. Some of the most common risk factor and warning signs include:

• Mental Illness

• Substance Use

• Chronic Pain/Illness

• Social Isolation

• History of trauma or abuse

• Recklessness

• Displaying extreme mood swings

Preventative Measures
By first realizing the typical signs of someone who is considering suicide, its best to take immediate action by asking directly,

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Asking this heavy loaded question causes a bit of discomfort because it's something we’d usually never talk about with someone we’d care about. However, beating around the bush in a crisis is not conducive for life-saving. Unhelpful styles of this question can vary from, “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, right?” or “Don’t kill yourself, just shake it off’. These types of approaches aren’t accommodating, and often allude to the entire situation being an inconvenience for the querent, making them less likely to seek help and sink deeper into isolation.

Other protective measures that prove to be very helpful for those in crisis include contacting providers, strong connections with family, community and social institutions and remarkable conflict resolution skills. Among many other protective measures, these core actions increase the likelihood of survival immensely. Through helping others connect with various resources, staying connected to ensure their health is improving and keeping them safe through removal of lethal objects, we all are able to save lives and prevent our loved ones from attempting suicide.

Without reference to the limitless trials and tribulations we all face on a regular basis, suicide should never be the answer. If you believe that you or a loved one is experiencing or contemplating a suicide attempt, help is available. By being alert and compassionate, we can all lessen the threat of this major public health crisis.

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline Network

• 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Veterans, press 1)

• Crisis Text Line - Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help.

• The Trevor Project (1-866) 488-738

~ Eryka Warren

What happens when you’re surrounded by the people who are unable to understand and empathize others, and who only focus on themselves? Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. They might think they’re entitled to go where they want, snoop through your personal things, or tell you how you should feel. Maybe they give you unsolicited advice and take credit for things you’ve done.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration, they believe they deserve.

Is it possible to live happily with a narcissist? Can narcissists be good family member? How do you cope when you’re seeing them over the holidays?

Combining a narcissist with the already heightened drama and expectations of the holiday season, can feel like a recipe for disaster. The narcissist in your family tree might be a parent, an adult child, even an in-law. But whoever it is, getting together with them in celebration can mean putting up with their criticism, self-aggrandizement, and demand for attention.

If someone in your family possess this behavior, you're probably not super excited to be spending time with them over the holidays. Here are the tactics that can make get-togethers easier:

• Expect no sympathy or emotional support. If you open up about events like a job loss or health problems— you expect family members to express sympathy and support. A narcissist isn't capable of giving that to you. This can catch you off guard and leave you feeling hurt and discouraged. Remember that the narcissist does not see the world as you do. Look for comfort and support from others instead.

• Don't get defensive. When a narcissist monopolizes holiday dinner conversation or shows no interest in the other people, you may feel defensive. Their behavior is a way to compensate for how they really feel. Understanding this can help you feel empathy for them and not get so angry when they behave as they will.

• Set firm boundaries. Narcissists often feel they are being mistreated or that others are the source of problems and not them, and tend to adopt a manipulative, persuasive, and dominant attitude to get their way with family members or friends. If you can't get out of the holiday event, limit your time there. You have the choice to limit your presence and interaction with such individuals for your own sanity, whether they like it or not.

• Look after your mental health. It's holiday time, and just because there's a narcissist in the house doesn't mean you can't enjoy all the good things the season brings. It's important to take care of your own mental health, as people who are abused by narcissists often end up blaming themselves for the dysfunctional relationship and may develop symptoms of anxiety or depression. Be good to yourself, and before you know it, the gathering will be over, and you can plan not to have to see them again next year.

Knowledge is power. Becoming aware of the shortcomings of narcissistic people can leave you with a sense of freedom and power. Addressing your issues in therapy may allow you to free yourself from negative core beliefs that you may have developed as a result of the parenting that constantly made you feel inferior or inadequate and develop the sense of value and respect that we all deserve.

~ Jade Asuncion

Achieving a work-life balance is something we all dream of. It seems impossible as if it’s nearly out of reach, but it is a goal that’s possible to accomplish. What does this phrase, “work-life balance” really mean? In short, it is just making sure you are dividing your time in a way where you spend a healthy amount of time being concerned with work-related things and the rest of the time, doing things that you enjoy. If you wanted to take that kick boxing class at your local gym or teach yourself a new artistic medium, but assumed you wouldn’t have time to because of your work schedule, this blog may help you create and maintain a beneficial work-life balance.

Remember when you were younger and you enjoyed what felt like an eternity off from school in order to celebrate the holidays? Well, those days are long gone. Now, as a working professional, you need to balance all of your gift shopping, baking, wrapping, and family time with your normal work schedule. And, finding time for it all can definitely be a challenge.

The most wonderful time of the year is also the most stressful for lots of people struggling to fit in increased end-of-the-year workloads, holiday parties, shopping, guest hosting, travel, and seeing friends and relatives who you’d otherwise avoid. Luckily, the same coping mechanisms that can help relieve stress and find better balance during the year also work for the holidays.

If you want to achieve successful work-life balance especially around the holidays, then you need to make an effort to be intentional with your time. You don’t take personal phone calls or do online holiday shopping while you’re at work. So, apply this same rule to your personal life.

Here are four tips to finding work-life balance during the holidays.

• Plan Ahead. Having these future tasks and assignments physically written down will keep you focused on your long-term goals—and not just the things that need to get done tomorrow. Plus, getting these things started early will free up at least a little bit of your time when the holidays are here.

• Schedule Everything. Your planner will help to hold you accountable for not only your professional duties, but your personal relaxation time as well. The key is just to stick to it.

• Explore a Flexible Schedule. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in a day and when you’re trying to make it to your child’s holiday concert in the middle of the workday, sticking to your standard work schedule can be difficult. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, consider talking to your boss about a flexible schedule or remote working opportunities around the holidays.

• Say No. Speaking of saying “no”, it’s an important thing for you to do every now and then. Oftentimes we end up working too much, simply because we have too much to do. While it feels great to be that go-to person that people can count on in a pinch, it just might not be realistic with your schedule.

• Be Intentional. When the day is done, leave your work in the office. Actually, having adequate time to enjoy the holidays with your family is sure to help you feel more balanced.

• Spread Holiday Cheer. Let’s face it, there’s no way around it, you still need to work during the holidays. So, although heading into work when you feel like you should be throwing snowballs or drinking hot cocoa can be a little demoralizing, there’s no rule stating that you can’t incorporate some holiday cheer into your normal work day. Put in some earbuds and listen to festive music while you’re working. Enjoy an afternoon mug of hot chocolate or head out on your lunch hour for a quick walk through the snow.

People report feeling less stressed about the holidays when they stop expecting so much from themselves, because nobody puts so much expectation on us as we do to ourselves. If we stop focusing on what we feel like we’re obligated to do, and start focusing on what we want and need to do, the load gets lighter and the holidays get a lot merrier.

Maintaining an adequate balance between your personal and professional lives is always a challenge. But it can become extra difficult during the holiday season, when you feel an increased desire for more personal and family time. Try out these tips to stick to all of your work deadlines, while still being able to enjoy the holidays!

~ Divine Ikpe

Presentation Anxiety (also known as Speech Anxiety or Public Speaking anxiety) is a type of Social Anxiety Disorder in which someone may feel nervousness ranging from manageable to debilitating in regards to speaking or performing in front of a group of people according to  Arlin Cuncic’s article “How to Manage Public Speaking Anxiety.” It is one of the most common social anxiety disorders. You may experience a general anxious feeling or you could experience various physiological reactions such as sweaty palms, dry throat and difficulty breathing, to name a few.

Why does it happen?

Humans have an evolutionary response that we acquired to protect us from predators and in modern times, those fight or flight responses get activated in anxiety producing scenarios. When stressed or anxious the chemicals adrenaline and cortisol get released and lead to shaking, a pounding heart, dizziness and more in a public speaking setting.

So how do you manage performance anxiety? Some more extensive and long term things you could do to help manage are systematic desensitization and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Systematic Desensitization is a type of classical conditioning where you imagine yourself in various fear-inducing situations and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. Once you’re able to calm yourself down in those fictional scenarios, you can use those same techniques in real life anxiety-triggering situations. Some relaxation techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and, as suggested by Nancy Duarte in her article “Overcome Presentation Anxiety Easily with These Steps,” visualization. In addition to therapy, if your anxiety is severe enough where it inhibits your ability to function, medication could help. Always talk to your therapist first before deciding to get medicated as it is generally the last resort.

Shorter term solutions to help with presentation anxiety in the meantime, suggested by The University of Iowa’s Counseling Services, include being extra prepared for the public speaking or performance on the day of your presentation. Choosing a topic that genuinely interests you will increase your chance of remembering the material you are presenting.

Try to choose a topic that genuinely interests you (if you can) because you’ll be more likely to remember the information. Which leads to the next tip, if you’re in a general public speaking scenario, don’t script your speech. Instead, you should just write down some key points that you want to cover if you need help jogging your memory. Reading straight from a script would not be enjoyable for you or the audience. Get adequate sleep the night before, know your audience, become familiar with the venue and request accommodations if you can. Don’t eat too close in time to your presentation, dress comfortably, go to the restroom before you go on stage and bring a glass of water with you. Use humor and slow down your speech if need be. The Last step to help you prepare for public speaking or a performance is practice. Practice makes a more prepared and better you!

~ Divine Ikpe

Depression affects cognitive, emotional, behavioral and physical functions. One of the most insidious aspects of depression is that it tricks you into thinking that nothing will help, or that the relief will be temporary thus keeping you in a cycle of maladaptive thinking, feeling, and doing (or non-doing). However, there are some simple steps you can take to cope with depression.

Take Care of Your Physical Health
Get active! It is important to get 30 minutes of physical activity daily. This can be anything from yoga, walking, jogging, walking stairs, a stroll around the block, gardening. If this is too daunting, start with 10-15 minutes a day and add 5 minutes to each day. Remember to nourish your body- make sure you eat well-balanced meals. Getting adequate sleep is important for our physical wellbeing, mental acuity, and concentration.

Take a Closer Look at Your Thoughts
Write down recurring thoughts…negative thoughts about oneself, one’s future, and the world are common; these thoughts are often distortions that feel real and often perpetuate unhelpful behaviors. By writing down these thoughts, one can begin to see the distortions a bit more clearly. Ask yourself “what is one thing that I can do right now that is good for me?”

Identify Unhelpful Behaviors and Replace them with Healthy, Helpful Behaviors
Build a sense of mastery-this involves setting realistic, achievable goals daily; rather than tackling big ticket items. Break larger items down into small manageable units. This sense of mastery will help to chip away at the unhelpful distortions.

Engage in Healthy Joyful Activities

Engaging in joyful activities from something as small as brewing a nice cup of tea, listening to a favorite song, or dancing in your own space can improve your mood in the moment and help you find gratitude in the simple things life has to offer you.

Practice Self-Compassion - Use Affirmations

Being harsh or overly critical is not helpful, give yourself some grace and kindness. Affirmations are positive reminders or statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself or others. They can be a powerful way to improve your overall mindset and research has shown that affirmations increase our feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Practice Gratitude

Research has found that gratitude, the act of affirming and appreciating the good in one’s life — can have many benefits. Result have revealed the many positive impacts that feeling grateful had on both depression and general mental health. When practiced over time, feeling thankful seemed to act as an overall mood booster.

Signs of Depression Include:

1. A loss of interest or withdrawal from activities that you once looked forward to — sports, hobbies, or going out with friends.

2. Depression is also linked with insomnia. The lack of quality, restful sleep can also lead to anxiety.

3. Difficulty caring for yourself, meeting basic needs or attend to daily responsibilities.

4. Persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of changes in behaviors.

5. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

If you are experiencing severe depressive symptoms, it may be time to seek out professional help. Counseling can provide the skills and insights to overcome depression and get back to a life worth living.

At Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy we give you the tools to change negative and destructive patterns that prevent health and wellness. We provide a variety of treatment options with proven effectiveness in treating depression to heal the mind and body.

~By Jade Asuncion

Depression is a mood disorder interferes with concentration, motivation, and many other aspects of everyday functioning (Psychology Today). It can cause an increase in anxiety levels, while also negatively affecting your appetite, sleep pattern, body weight, relationships, and more. What are the signs of depression? Constant sadness, feelings of worthlessness, lost of interest in activities that once made you happy, constantly wanting to be alone, suicidal thoughts, and more.

What caused me to get here? Overcoming depression can be easy for some and harder than ever for others. The first step to overcoming depression is knowing the triggers. What is causing me to feel this way? What traumatic events have taken place to get me here? Are my thoughts causing me to stay in a state of depression? It is impossible for one to get through it, without first knowing how they got there.

A Different View: Try taking a different view on life, and what it is that has caused this sadness or pain. Look at it as an event that needed to happen for your life to prosper. Living a better and happier life is completely up to you, if you really want it. Find a purpose that will help you overcome this disorder. Remember that not only does everything happen for a reason, but you are also in control of most of what happens in your life.

Think Happiness and Prosperity: Constantly reminiscing on the negatives of your life only increases the levels of depression and hopelessness you are suffering through. Think happy thoughts, reminisce on all of the good in your life so far, think of all the positive things you want for your future. Go outside, get some fresh air, have a small work out to blow off some of that sadness and steam, be vulnerable with your loved ones. Don’t isolate yourself and dwell on things that sink you back in. Finds way of distracting yourself like a creative hobby, or simply spending time with friends and family. To be happy we have to think happy. To live a positive life, we have to have a positive mind. You are in control of your thoughts and emotions, don’t let them control you.

Seeking Professional Help: When it comes to seeking therapy, many people avoid the option possibly out of fear of admitting that they need the help. Every human on this earth has gone through some type of traumatic experience that has negatively affected their mental health. This experience could’ve been a list of things like a horrible break-up, the lost of a loved one, or financial hardship. As people we have developed a habit of bottling emotions in, in hopes that we’ll get through it alone with an allotted amount of strength; however, this isn’t always the healthiest way out. Seeking professional help gives us the opportunity to be vulnerable and let go of emotions without being in fear of judgement. Seeking help could be the push you need to gain back the happiness you’ve watched drift away. Seeking professional could be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself and your mental health.

~Jazmin Washington

Pregnancy can be one of the happiest times in a woman’s life, but of course, has its challenges as well. It is shown that 1 in 8 women experience postpartum depression after giving birth. There are elements that can cause drastic changes in a woman’s life, especially in physical and emotional health. Some physical changes include fatigue and abdominal pain. Emotional changes can consist of mood swings and/or feeling withdrawn from family and friends. An important key factor is to know that postpartum depression can happen to anyone. Here are some steps that you can take to help in your recovery:

Nutrition: Having a well-balanced diet can help with controlling mood swings. Consuming non-nutritious foods can result in a lack of energy and lower self-esteem. Avoiding sugary foods such as sodas, ice cream, and highly processed boxed foods can be beneficial in lowering your blood sugar levels. A substitute for this can be complex carbohydrates like whole grain (oats, farro, barley, etc.) which provide a better foundation of energy.

Rest: Women who have postpartum depression often struggle with maintaining a balanced sleep pattern. A step that you can take to help control this is to rest when your baby sleeps. Even if you cannot fall asleep, laying down in a quiet place can do your body and mind wonders. You are not only helping yourself, but your baby as well by sustaining a relaxed state of mind.

Communication: Women who are always putting others first can struggle when it comes to asking for help about themselves. Allowing yourself to open up to family and friends can be a prominent source of emotional support. Even if they cannot help solve the problem right away, expressing your thoughts can ease any distress. You may even be shocked to find that they have gone through an experience close to yours.

Support Group: Support groups can be a wonderful experience for new mothers. When going through a change in life, it can be hard to put yourself out there and make new connections with people. By joining a support group it can provide a specific level of support that can be hard to find. Learning about other women and the experiences they have gone through can give you hope and reassurance that you’re not alone through this journey.

~ Monica Manuel