What does it mean when you say you enjoy life? Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest?

Inevitable change is a fact. Change is inevitable and is synonymous with life and growth. The life we lead today is the result of the acceptance of change.

Many people spend their whole lives searching for things to make them happy, but what is joy and how can we come to experience it? We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. We enjoy life when things are happening - this means you're alive. Here are the TOP 4 things that will genuinely help you live a joyful life:

1. Appreciate Little Things. Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life. On everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure. It also means practicing gratitude by noticing these everyday things that you take for granted so easily.

2. Avoid Toxic Environment. A toxic environment is any place or any behavior that causes harm to your health, happiness, and wellbeing. If you’re around people who make you feel small, insecure, or bad about yourself, you might be in a toxic environment. If you feel a physical weight every time you walk into your place of work, you might be in a toxic environment.

3. Be Content. Contentment is generally defined as a longer lasting, but a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is arguably viewed as having a temporary feeling attached to it. Whereas contentment is viewed by many to have a long-lasting effect on those that experience it.

4. Nourish your Body. You can’t enjoy life if you’re not nourishing your body. Little things matter more when you’re enjoying. Be exuberant about life, share this moment to celebrate small victories. Sometimes having fun with the people - we love is all the therapy you need.

A joyful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and content life.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

~Jade Asuncion

Suicide is a topic filled with unresolved issues, unanswered questions, voided homes and hearts, and an overwhelming sense of guilt from our actions or lack thereof.

Personally, I have dealt with my fair share losing people in my life due to suicide, however it’s the aftershocks that are usually not dealt with and are often swept under the rug. Let’s note the word “swept”. It’s important to notice the privilege many of us have to set our emotions aside with ease, and we should recognize this when supporting people who no longer can or are on the brink of exhaustion.

Suicide is no longer the taboo topic it once was several years ago as prevention methods, awareness and de-stigmatization is spread rampantly across the globe in efforts to protect and lend a listening ear to those suffering in silence. Yet, it's still a silent killer and leading cause of death in youth and the top tenth cause of death across all ages in the United States.

The real question that should be asked is how do we aid in the prevention of suicide? What are the signs? How do I empathize and effectively prevent someone who is contemplating a suicide attempt? The answers are never simple, but with proper attention and care is the difference between life and death.

Warning Signs
There are no clear cut signs to know if someone is considering suicide, which allows for this fly under the radar for many individuals. In case of the lack of clear sign, surviving loved ones often mull over what they might have missed. Either way, a combination of factors may be instrumental to the ultimate decision. Some of the most common risk factor and warning signs include:

• Mental Illness

• Substance Use

• Chronic Pain/Illness

• Social Isolation

• History of trauma or abuse

• Recklessness

• Displaying extreme mood swings

Preventative Measures
By first realizing the typical signs of someone who is considering suicide, its best to take immediate action by asking directly,

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Asking this heavy loaded question causes a bit of discomfort because it's something we’d usually never talk about with someone we’d care about. However, beating around the bush in a crisis is not conducive for life-saving. Unhelpful styles of this question can vary from, “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, right?” or “Don’t kill yourself, just shake it off’. These types of approaches aren’t accommodating, and often allude to the entire situation being an inconvenience for the querent, making them less likely to seek help and sink deeper into isolation.

Other protective measures that prove to be very helpful for those in crisis include contacting providers, strong connections with family, community and social institutions and remarkable conflict resolution skills. Among many other protective measures, these core actions increase the likelihood of survival immensely. Through helping others connect with various resources, staying connected to ensure their health is improving and keeping them safe through removal of lethal objects, we all are able to save lives and prevent our loved ones from attempting suicide.

Without reference to the limitless trials and tribulations we all face on a regular basis, suicide should never be the answer. If you believe that you or a loved one is experiencing or contemplating a suicide attempt, help is available. By being alert and compassionate, we can all lessen the threat of this major public health crisis.

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline Network

• 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Veterans, press 1)

• Crisis Text Line - Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help.

• The Trevor Project (1-866) 488-738

~ Eryka Warren

What happens when you’re surrounded by the people who are unable to understand and empathize others, and who only focus on themselves? Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. They might think they’re entitled to go where they want, snoop through your personal things, or tell you how you should feel. Maybe they give you unsolicited advice and take credit for things you’ve done.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration, they believe they deserve.

Is it possible to live happily with a narcissist? Can narcissists be good family member? How do you cope when you’re seeing them over the holidays?

Combining a narcissist with the already heightened drama and expectations of the holiday season, can feel like a recipe for disaster. The narcissist in your family tree might be a parent, an adult child, even an in-law. But whoever it is, getting together with them in celebration can mean putting up with their criticism, self-aggrandizement, and demand for attention.

If someone in your family possess this behavior, you're probably not super excited to be spending time with them over the holidays. Here are the tactics that can make get-togethers easier:

• Expect no sympathy or emotional support. If you open up about events like a job loss or health problems— you expect family members to express sympathy and support. A narcissist isn't capable of giving that to you. This can catch you off guard and leave you feeling hurt and discouraged. Remember that the narcissist does not see the world as you do. Look for comfort and support from others instead.

• Don't get defensive. When a narcissist monopolizes holiday dinner conversation or shows no interest in the other people, you may feel defensive. Their behavior is a way to compensate for how they really feel. Understanding this can help you feel empathy for them and not get so angry when they behave as they will.

• Set firm boundaries. Narcissists often feel they are being mistreated or that others are the source of problems and not them, and tend to adopt a manipulative, persuasive, and dominant attitude to get their way with family members or friends. If you can't get out of the holiday event, limit your time there. You have the choice to limit your presence and interaction with such individuals for your own sanity, whether they like it or not.

• Look after your mental health. It's holiday time, and just because there's a narcissist in the house doesn't mean you can't enjoy all the good things the season brings. It's important to take care of your own mental health, as people who are abused by narcissists often end up blaming themselves for the dysfunctional relationship and may develop symptoms of anxiety or depression. Be good to yourself, and before you know it, the gathering will be over, and you can plan not to have to see them again next year.

Knowledge is power. Becoming aware of the shortcomings of narcissistic people can leave you with a sense of freedom and power. Addressing your issues in therapy may allow you to free yourself from negative core beliefs that you may have developed as a result of the parenting that constantly made you feel inferior or inadequate and develop the sense of value and respect that we all deserve.

~ Jade Asuncion

Achieving a work-life balance is something we all dream of. It seems impossible as if it’s nearly out of reach, but it is a goal that’s possible to accomplish. What does this phrase, “work-life balance” really mean? In short, it is just making sure you are dividing your time in a way where you spend a healthy amount of time being concerned with work-related things and the rest of the time, doing things that you enjoy. If you wanted to take that kick boxing class at your local gym or teach yourself a new artistic medium, but assumed you wouldn’t have time to because of your work schedule, this blog may help you create and maintain a beneficial work-life balance.

Remember when you were younger and you enjoyed what felt like an eternity off from school in order to celebrate the holidays? Well, those days are long gone. Now, as a working professional, you need to balance all of your gift shopping, baking, wrapping, and family time with your normal work schedule. And, finding time for it all can definitely be a challenge.

The most wonderful time of the year is also the most stressful for lots of people struggling to fit in increased end-of-the-year workloads, holiday parties, shopping, guest hosting, travel, and seeing friends and relatives who you’d otherwise avoid. Luckily, the same coping mechanisms that can help relieve stress and find better balance during the year also work for the holidays.

If you want to achieve successful work-life balance especially around the holidays, then you need to make an effort to be intentional with your time. You don’t take personal phone calls or do online holiday shopping while you’re at work. So, apply this same rule to your personal life.

Here are four tips to finding work-life balance during the holidays.

• Plan Ahead. Having these future tasks and assignments physically written down will keep you focused on your long-term goals—and not just the things that need to get done tomorrow. Plus, getting these things started early will free up at least a little bit of your time when the holidays are here.

• Schedule Everything. Your planner will help to hold you accountable for not only your professional duties, but your personal relaxation time as well. The key is just to stick to it.

• Explore a Flexible Schedule. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in a day and when you’re trying to make it to your child’s holiday concert in the middle of the workday, sticking to your standard work schedule can be difficult. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, consider talking to your boss about a flexible schedule or remote working opportunities around the holidays.

• Say No. Speaking of saying “no”, it’s an important thing for you to do every now and then. Oftentimes we end up working too much, simply because we have too much to do. While it feels great to be that go-to person that people can count on in a pinch, it just might not be realistic with your schedule.

• Be Intentional. When the day is done, leave your work in the office. Actually, having adequate time to enjoy the holidays with your family is sure to help you feel more balanced.

• Spread Holiday Cheer. Let’s face it, there’s no way around it, you still need to work during the holidays. So, although heading into work when you feel like you should be throwing snowballs or drinking hot cocoa can be a little demoralizing, there’s no rule stating that you can’t incorporate some holiday cheer into your normal work day. Put in some earbuds and listen to festive music while you’re working. Enjoy an afternoon mug of hot chocolate or head out on your lunch hour for a quick walk through the snow.

People report feeling less stressed about the holidays when they stop expecting so much from themselves, because nobody puts so much expectation on us as we do to ourselves. If we stop focusing on what we feel like we’re obligated to do, and start focusing on what we want and need to do, the load gets lighter and the holidays get a lot merrier.

Maintaining an adequate balance between your personal and professional lives is always a challenge. But it can become extra difficult during the holiday season, when you feel an increased desire for more personal and family time. Try out these tips to stick to all of your work deadlines, while still being able to enjoy the holidays!

~ Divine Ikpe

Depression affects cognitive, emotional, behavioral and physical functions. One of the most insidious aspects of depression is that it tricks you into thinking that nothing will help, or that the relief will be temporary thus keeping you in a cycle of maladaptive thinking, feeling, and doing (or non-doing). However, there are some simple steps you can take to cope with depression.

Take Care of Your Physical Health
Get active! It is important to get 30 minutes of physical activity daily. This can be anything from yoga, walking, jogging, walking stairs, a stroll around the block, gardening. If this is too daunting, start with 10-15 minutes a day and add 5 minutes to each day. Remember to nourish your body- make sure you eat well-balanced meals. Getting adequate sleep is important for our physical wellbeing, mental acuity, and concentration.

Take a Closer Look at Your Thoughts
Write down recurring thoughts…negative thoughts about oneself, one’s future, and the world are common; these thoughts are often distortions that feel real and often perpetuate unhelpful behaviors. By writing down these thoughts, one can begin to see the distortions a bit more clearly. Ask yourself “what is one thing that I can do right now that is good for me?”

Identify Unhelpful Behaviors and Replace them with Healthy, Helpful Behaviors
Build a sense of mastery-this involves setting realistic, achievable goals daily; rather than tackling big ticket items. Break larger items down into small manageable units. This sense of mastery will help to chip away at the unhelpful distortions.

Engage in Healthy Joyful Activities

Engaging in joyful activities from something as small as brewing a nice cup of tea, listening to a favorite song, or dancing in your own space can improve your mood in the moment and help you find gratitude in the simple things life has to offer you.

Practice Self-Compassion - Use Affirmations

Being harsh or overly critical is not helpful, give yourself some grace and kindness. Affirmations are positive reminders or statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself or others. They can be a powerful way to improve your overall mindset and research has shown that affirmations increase our feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Practice Gratitude

Research has found that gratitude, the act of affirming and appreciating the good in one’s life — can have many benefits. Result have revealed the many positive impacts that feeling grateful had on both depression and general mental health. When practiced over time, feeling thankful seemed to act as an overall mood booster.

Signs of Depression Include:

1. A loss of interest or withdrawal from activities that you once looked forward to — sports, hobbies, or going out with friends.

2. Depression is also linked with insomnia. The lack of quality, restful sleep can also lead to anxiety.

3. Difficulty caring for yourself, meeting basic needs or attend to daily responsibilities.

4. Persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of changes in behaviors.

5. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

If you are experiencing severe depressive symptoms, it may be time to seek out professional help. Counseling can provide the skills and insights to overcome depression and get back to a life worth living.

At Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy we give you the tools to change negative and destructive patterns that prevent health and wellness. We provide a variety of treatment options with proven effectiveness in treating depression to heal the mind and body.

~By Jade Asuncion

Back pain is a common ailment that plagues many women, and can result from a number of issues, such as spine-related problems, inflammation and wear of the sacroiliac joint, pinched nerve, accidents and stress. The pain can be stabbing, dull, achy, or debilitating. While there are various pain management medications out there, a simpler solution that could provide quick and effective relief are stretches. Let’s look at a few stretches that could ease your unwanted back pain.

Standing Hamstring Stretch: Lower back pain can be a nagging discomfort, but can be alleviated with a standing hamstring stretch. Gently lengthening the hamstring can reduce stress and improve degraded flexibility and decrease pain levels.

To stretch the hamstring: Stand with both feet planted together on the ground. Gently extend your arms upward to the ceiling, while keeping your back straight. Slowly bend at the waist with your torso forward, knees locked, back straight and hands reaching for the toes. Hold this position for 30-45 seconds. Relax for 30 seconds. Repeat the stretch 3 times.

Pigeon Pose: Improvement in back pain doesn’t necessarily require stretching your back. Improving flexibility and posture can work wonders for sciatica-related back pain, hence, the pigeon pose. To do the pigeon pose - Start by positioning yourself on all fours (your hands and knees) or in table. Bring your left leg forward, with ankle at your right hand, and slide your right leg back, ensuring that your hips are square and knee is in line with the ankle. Inhale and lengthen up with the torso, pressing the tailbone down, and exhale as you press the extended leg back. Position your arms on each side of your hips and rise up on your fingertips as you elongate the spine. Depending on comfort level, hold the stretch for 30 seconds to 5 minutes.

Cat-Cow:To tackle mid-back pain, cat-cow allows for gentle spinal movements that can minimize pain and release stiffness.To do the cat-cow - Position yourself on all fours to begin, with wrists under your shoulders and knees under your hips, and back flat. Press your hands into the mat/floor, spreading your fingers wide, evenly distributing your weight in your hands to avoid putting pressure on the wrists. Inhale, slowly raise your pelvis upward, your chest forward, stomach lowered, back flat, and face up and looking ahead.  Hold for 5-10 seconds. Exhale, gently arch your back, mimicking a cat, to round out the spine. Tuck your pelvis, sucking in the belly button, and hang your head freely. Hold for 5-10 seconds. Repeat the stretch 5-7 times. Back pain doesn’t always require prescription medication.

Simple stretches can provide the relief that you need to go about your day. So, stretch the pain away.

~ Monica Manuel, MS, LPC