Posts in LBGT
Cultivating Self Compassion
 
 

Let’s face it, we all struggle with negative self-talk. Some more than others, but we all hear that little voice in the back of our minds that either berates us, expresses deep disappointment or frustration with our actions, and flags down our every insecurity when we least expect it. We hold those so-called “truths” as fact and not for what they are: thoughts. Fleeting thoughts plague our minds now and again, but it’s essential to realize that the power remains within ourselves.

The key to combating this phenomenon is self-compassion and not giving said thoughts any more intensity or tenacity in our already stressful lives.

Upon the first actualization of what self-compassion is, we may ask ourselves, “Well, what is it?” or, “What does that even mean?” and this question is more common than I realized. Most have experienced compassion at least once in their lives, either from a parent, friend, teacher, or mentor. Those moments are a lot more precious than when we first acquaint ourselves with them. This saving grace is transformative, and practicing this method towards ourselves would amount to unprecedented changes within our lives.

Self-compassion factors in three components: self-kindness, mindfulness and common humanity -- all three of which we practice daily. The warm inner understanding, acceptance of imperfection, and balanced approach to our humanness that accompanies self-compassion is the focal point of it all. Taking a nurturing perspective, rather than critical, makes all the difference in our mental wellbeing and can improve our outlook on life and our actions.

It’s dually essential to understand what self-compassion is not, and how the initial realization is daunting and discouraging in this mindfulness journey. Dr. Kristen Neff describes this phenomenon as akin to ‘backdraft,’ “A similar process can occur when we open the door of our hearts – love goes in, and old pain comes out…. ‘When we give ourselves unconditional love, we discover the conditions under which we were unloved’ or ‘Love reveals everything unlike itself.” (Self Compassion, Neff).

While confidence and wishful thinking are ideal and the easy way out, it cheapens the true meaning of what self-compassion is. Holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes and flaws helps us elevate and rewire our thinking to bolster long-lasting pleasure in our lives.

~Eryka Warren

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Mental Health in the Transgender Community
 
 

Have you ever lied to someone? What about to yourself? Have you ever pretended to be someone you are not? Is it easier to hide even when you know you're not happy? Or is it easier to go out even if it's messy? Imagine that you are already experiencing these all.

Mental health can be an ignored part of being healthy. But it is one of the most important parts. It drives much of our day-to-day life. Having a bad mental health day can impact a lot, including making it harder to get things done. It can be as simple as not running an errand. Or it can be more impactful, like not showing up for work.

The lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) community face these challenges just like everyone else. They often experience even more hurdles to caring for their mental health. This is usually related to bias or discrimination that exist today.

LGBTQ individuals are more likely to experience a mental illness such as depression or anxiety and the stigma that surrounds mental illnesses can prevent people from seeking help. So why are mental health challenges more common among trans individuals?

“Transgender” means your gender identity does not fit the physical sex with which you were born. “Gender identity” refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female or something else; “gender expression” refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. “Trans” is sometimes used as shorthand for “transgender.” While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture is constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow.

When a person decides to transition, it’s obvious. Unfortunately, not everyone is understanding. The individual may be bullied and not accepted by their loved ones as they transition, even after transitioning. They may face medical insurance issues, too. The anticipation of these barriers might even cause someone to believe that they have no realistic path to transition.

There is a high level of emotional pain that can come with transitioning. And there is a high level of emotional pain that can come with continuing to live with gender dysphoria. This pain (just like the pain that comes from living with any chronic disease) is what can lead to depression and anxiety. It is these mental illnesses that can make a person feel like they have no way out and have thoughts of ending their life.

As a transgender woman, it is important to know you can help us. It is simply knowing what to say or not to say is a very common and simple act of concern. If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun, apologize. But don’t dwell. Keep in mind that being transgender is not our entire identity. Really, just treat us like any other friend. Ask us the questions that you would ask anyone else, like, “How are you doing?” Or if they are in distress, ask, “How can I help?” You don't have to know everything we went through in life. In the same way, don’t ask about our transition surgery.

Be very supportive. Help LGBT members get into seeing a mental health professional – especially someone who is confident in helping gender identity issues. These services include mental health providers who specialize in LGBTQ help. But they also cover the wide range of what someone might need.
Above all, every gay, lesbian, and transgender person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is indeed a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges.

“To all LGBTQIA+ members, always believe that “What makes us different, makes us beautiful”

~Jade Asuncion

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Acceptance
Acceptance

Having a family member or friend come out to you can be a challenging time for you and for them as well. It can be a learning experience on how to accept them and cope with your emotions. There are several ways that you can show your love one you’re accept them:

  1. Understand They’re the Same Person.

    When first coming to terms with someone who has come out, the important part to know is that they are still the same person you have known throughout the years. Your daughter is still your daughter no matter what her sexual orientation is. The memories you have with her have not changed and your view of her should not either. With them disclosing this information to you, they are trusting you with something that can be hard to open up and talk about. By giving them the love and acceptance they deserve this can strengthen the relationship.

  2. Educate Yourself.

    When you first learn that someone is a part of the LGBTQ community, it can be hard not to think of stereotypes that come with the term. It is important to understand that how someone expresses themselves is not based on the sexual orientation. If a man is interested in the fashion industry, it is not safe to assume that he is gay. A crucial element when accepting someone is learning the correct vs. incorrect terms to use around them.

  3. Provide Support

    By supporting your family member or friend this can allow your relationship to grow. There are many positive things you can do that shows the person that you support them. This can be correcting someone who makes a derogatory remark and explain to them how it can be hurtful to that person. If someone is transgender, it can be a simple task of going to a doctor’s appointment with them. With someone going through a transition in life, it can make a huge difference in their mental health if they feel they have the right people that are supporting their decision.

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