The Cycle of a Repeated Relationship

On-again, off-again. I love you, I hate you. Breaking up, breaks, dating other people and coming back together again. Will it ever end? Do you want it to end? Is it them or me? Are we toxic for each other? Is this cycle toxic? Why can’t we let go?

No relationship is perfect. Rather if it is cyclical or non-cyclical but when it is repeated it does cause a different level of anxiety and attachment when you all decide to break-up. After awhile you all begin to anticipate the patterns, the break-up and getting back together again as if you become accustomed to re-starting.

Why does this keep happening? After one break-up lingering feelings are sometimes all people need to restart their relationship. It is stated by Dailey, Jin, Pfiester & Beck of Psychology Today that after a break-up, feelings of love, nostalgia and concern of a former partner are still present and if these feelings are still strong, two will instantly fall back into each other. Another reason is loneliness. No one wants to feel alone, especially when you are accustom to having a for certain person to constantly talk to and have intimate relations with. Lastly, some people just do not like starting over. When it is time to start over, you are constantly getting to know any and everything about that person, what they like, what they dislike, their family background, their overall personality and sexual preferences and that is overwhelming and scary. So, to some, it is not worth it and will run back to what they already know and who already knows them.

If the relationship is having to be constantly repeated, break-up, break, and back together again, it is unhealthy. So how do you break a cycle that has become addicting? You must ask yourself “why am I choosing to stay in this situation in the first place”? You must evaluate yourself and determine who you are right now, who you want to become and how will you get there.

Alexis Adams